hindsight
holding a vision: learnings from a year of contradictions
last month was my birthday and I sat down to reflect on a year that was the most beautiful and terrifying I have memory of. I didn’t know that opposing feelings could live alongside to such extent, and learned that joy and sadness, anger, gratefulness, despair, beauty, hopefulness… none are mutually exclusive.
in this letter I am sharing with you some of the things I’ve learned, hoping they can inspire some meaningful thoughts and encourage you to TRUST.
* next week I will be hosting a free workshop on Money mindset for creatives and change-makers. find all the info and link to subscribe at the bottom *
get yourself comfy as you read along. I would love to know what resonated and what are your own learnings from this past year ꩜
on a personal level, this year has been deeply liberating. I launched lake days and quit almost entirely my previous job. I committed to my vision and chose to trust. trust that I can get wherever I set myself to, because I got my own back - above all else. because I no longer believe in failure - if anything, there is giving up and course-correcting. and because trusting and making my own way, is already all the “success” I am after.
it’s also been a year of genocide in Palestine and now Lebanon, devastating armed conflicts in Sudan and the Congo, horrifying oppression of women in Afghanistan, among many other. all of this coupled with the rise of political shifts into conservative regimes, devastating climate disasters and predictions for the years to come.
witnessing the extent of the devastation and our broken humanity has made it hard to stay hopeful at times. yet time and again, it’s been even more humbling to see so many humans profoundly engaged and committed to liberation and creating better futures for all.
on this note, I want to re-share a quote from Terry Tempest Williams that’s also a guide in these dark times:
“the way to find beauty in a broken world is to create beauty in the world that we find”
beauty alone won’t save us from tyrannic regimes and the devastation of a deeply broken social landscape. but it will soothe us into the work that needs doing and the kindness we need to hold each other up, and balance the anger it will take to dismantle the old systems of oppression while building the more beautiful world our hearts know is possible.
The importance of holding a VISION
for a long time I’ve known I wanted to create a space for artists, creatives and anyone to (re)imagine, create, learn and play. where creating and learning with nature would happen alongside self-care and community. a space for slow living and mindful, inspired creation.
two main things held me back from committing to this vision: one was filling the gaps between where I was and that big vision that felt unattainable; the other was believing and trusting that I could make it happen. trusting that I had all it takes to get there.
coping with the idea of an unfinished dream would be too painful to bear. what if I gave it all, for nothing?
until something shifted.
the meaningless jobs became unbearable. searching for another position in another corporate I cared nothing about became unbearable. asking permission for another day off, meeting another deadline, sending another file for revision - became unbearable.
being a “victim of the system” became unbearable.
I had nothing to loose.
that’s when I asked myself: why not me? my mother always told me I was a stubborn-ass kid, had I changed? either way, I decided to be the stubborn-ass kid again, and find my way into that vision.
I am so grateful for the anger, frustration and despair that showed me the way and gave me the strength to stand up and move out of my comfortable, victim zone.
what is the vision you desire to bring to life, but feels too big and unattainable to hold? what would it take you to embrace that vision and commit?
and what is the alternative to that vision?
Frustration, despair, anger… are wise guides and motors
every emotion and feeling is a form of energy that can not be simply erased - it must be transmuted. and it is powerful. if we are open to sitting with and listening, unpleasant feelings are powerful guides, pointing the way of what needs changing, what’s out of alignment, what you need to let go and what you want to let in. you may feel those feelings “towards” someone or something - but they are ultimately in you, and it is you who can use this energy as a fuel for change.
to say the thing you’ve been keeping to yourself all along
to move on from a place you no longer belong in
to let go of the job you drag yourself everyday into
to stand up for yourself and set the boundaries that have been crossed
to let go the relationship that has taken all your energy without return
in which contexts and circumstances do you most experience frustration, anger and despair? what are they telling you?
You are allowed to change, and you can do it
you can become your own best friend. you can handle your finances. you can be something you never thought before. you can become what you never told others you wanted - and it is never too late to devote yourself to your most expansive dreams.
you can do it your way and at your own pace.
because your identity is fluid, and it will change 🌀
is there a change you are holding yourself back from for fear? what is the fear? and what is holding that fear protecting you from?
Things start flowing when we adventure into what we’ve desired all along
since I launched lake days and started speaking openly about it, a lot of beautiful connections have happened. I have discovered a sense of confidence and quiet I didn’t know I had. it did not come without fear - of being judged and misinterpreted. of not being good enough, ready enough, skilled enough. of being pointed out for changing direction yet again;
but I chose to redirect my energy from the fear of what could go wrong, into the possibility of what could go right. from those who could misinterpret and judge, to those who would support and feel inspired and supported in return.
I needed to lean into Trust → that I could put my soul fully into this. that I could hold myself through difficulties, and more than anything, that I - like everyone else - have all it takes to bring my vision to life. that I can be of service in a way that serves me too, in a healthy and supportive exchange.
Visions are guides - not final destinations
another important thought that underpins the way I approached this process, is knowing that wherever I am headed is but a direction and guide.
knowing where I am headed grounds me like a torch in the dark and helps me pick my way through the forest. I may or may not get there, and I am fine with both options for as long as I stay tuned with what I need and desire in each moment - making my way guided by trust, rather than fear.
if you trusted - yourself, your vision, the possibilities that lay ahead for you - what would you be doing, who would you be being, what decision would you take NOW?
Work can be a beautiful and liberating form of self-expression
for a long time, work has been for me mostly a way to pay the bills and sustain my projects. I somehow grew up on the idea that work is an effort, a sacrifice we need to do to make ends meet and live our lives - outside of work.
with lake days I learned that we can be of service in a way that feels good and nourishes us back all along. work can be pleasant, joyful and creative. it can be the thing I’d choose to do over and over, each day. and it is. it took me a long way to get here, but I couldn’t be more grateful for all that was, and all that is to come.
what does work mean for you? and what would be a more exciting and fulfilling version of that? → write it all down.
Embracing finitude & leaning into discomfort
earlier in Spring I spent some months in the Pyrenees, volunteering at the beautiful residency Entorns while working on lake days, developing the programme Adrift and working on zeevonk (an artist collective that I co-run), until my mind went into a spiral and my body tensed up. keeping up with it all meant working from the early morning to the late evening, juggling different responsibilities and an endless list of pending tasks and commitments.
I had no choice but to prioritise and make hard choices that required putting some of our projects at zeevonk on hold - projects we hold very dear and still dream about bringing to life.
it wasn’t easy, but it was necessary.
it taught me to embrace my finitude, not from a place of limitation and frustration, but as a form of surrender. a deep sigh of relief.
surrender as in softening your shoulders into ease
surrender as a river that flows its corse
surrender as an algae floating in the surface of the sea
surrender as softness
I chose a rhythm in the measure of my body. I chose slowness and calm over the excitement and weight of holding it all.
what are your main priorities in this moment and why?
are there any projects or commitments you need to pause, postpone or let go, in order to create more spaciousness around your current priorities?
Your confidence grows little steps at a time (you don’t need to jump into the void)
hosting the workshop The Island - Cartographies of a Future was a small leap of faith in my ability to hold space for bigger groups and design a dynamic workshop people would enjoy and engage in. as a teenager and child I had always experienced blanks when presenting to others, freezing, terrified of taking centre-stage. I carried that fear all these years, holding me back because I read those experiences as facts about myself.
hosting The Island I learned that our past experiences don’t define us, and we can outgrow our past shortcomings, working on the fears and insecurities that have once blocked us. I discovered that I actually love holding space and can feel very much at ease.
I also learned that most things come with practice, trial and error - being vulnerable and humble. that more than another training or course, all I need is to make use of the knowledge and tools I have gathered along the way, trust myself and move one small step out of my comfort zone at a time.
what is a small, meaningful step outside of you comfort zone you can take now, in the direction of your vision and what you want to create?
✹
COMING UP
Unblocking money beliefs - a workshop for creatives & change-makers
why a workshop on money, in times of urgent polycrisis?
how can we develop a healthy relationship with money when we long for the end of capitalism?
how can we find a sense of financial security and expansion, aligned with (and grounded in) our core values?
*
next week I will be hosting a free workshop to help us explore our relationship with money, understand it and develop a more supportive and empowering one - one that can meet our needs and enable our creative visions and social impact.
we will also reflect on the questions above, in a non-judgemental, respectful and intimate space. all you need to join is curiosity and openness, a couple of large blank paper sheets, colouring pens and a journal.
all info and sign-up → Unblocking money beliefs: a workshop for creatives and change-makers
do you know of a friend who could benefit from this workshop? you are welcome to share it with them ☺
if you enjoyed reading and know someone who could enjoy it too, you are welcome to share trails ∿ with them
have a beautiful day
I loved these inspiring reflections on your year, Gabriela! Congrats on taking these leaps of faith towards being of service in a way nourishes you!
It’s so necessary to slowly develop that core level of trust as you describe here 💗